Lent Day 32 ~ quiet with some sewing and reading

A constant effort to keep things clean.

I opened our treasure that we purchased a while ago.

Do you see Mother Alexandra's early publication listed,

when she was still 

HRH Princess Ileana of Romania? 

Here is some information on her if you do not know of this 

wonderful person - first Princess and later Monastic.

I, like many, are struggling with what to eat this Lent.

First it was the sickness, the flu,

now, well.  I am just struggling.

Making smoothies are at least a good step,

but it's going to take a while before I get the full grove

back. I really miss cooking.  I have over 130 cookbooks.

(Many given to me over the years, or gotten at sales).

I remember when I use to cook and years ago do grocery lists 

based on what I was going to make.

So much has changed since then.

For various reasons.  

I can't remember, in a lot of cases, how I functioned before I was married.

I often wonder, what did I eat? 

By necessity we've fallen into eating at our diner a lot.

The flu took a lot out of me.

If we eat at our diner, it means we have left overs for at least 1 or 2 days.

I am really hoping for better.

It's so hard to balance things for me right now,

to do things in the right time.

I managed to sew/quilt the top row of my godson's quilt.

I had a moment of panic/despair that I had broken my machine,

when the presser foot (that which makes it work, going fast or slow) 

would not speed up, even when I had it all the way down 

(It's really much like a gas pedal that way).

My Quilting Friend quickly reassured me and that I had just 

inadvertently moved the switch from fast to slow 

and whew, it worked again.

*

I have had some realizations about how things are for me

in terms of what I watch.

I always knew I was not like others in so many ways,

but it includes TV/Movies and I am so easily upset now by seeing

vile behaviour that I have to be incredibly careful in what I watch.

*

I've known this for a long time,

my Grandma is the same,

We are deeply impacted by what we watch.

It's like we have no filter on our soul and the images

are imprinted there; they deeply impact us.

*

I had a teacher in junior high who had us watch footage

of WWI and WWII and I think it all began there,

when I was forced to watch real people dying.

*

So, now, I have to be careful.

The Tolkien movies - not for me.  Totally unnerving.

Harry Potter - well don't like how that series ended to begin with,

but that aside, I could never watch the movies.

And so now I realize also that 

the beautiful British shows are not for me, 

even though everyone raved about them.

Yes, beautiful. Yes, period pieces, fashion, beauty.

But the character's horrid behaviour.

It disturbs, angers and unnerves me. 

I've realized in part because I either really liked the 

character and are sad for their poor choice and/or

get worried about it

[I realize that it is fiction that I am watching,

but I also know that it represents so many poor 

souls who are caught up in such things].

*

Makes me feel so different than others,

and I mean everyone practically in my own circles,

that I can't watch such things.

But I can't help it.

I can't let such things into my view,

my consciousness. 

They stay there, lodged, a type of torment,

seeing such broken lives, foolish decisions and 

behaviour that can only lead to spiritual and physical death.

And it makes me mourn with sadness.

The lostness of it, the way people are destroying their own lives.

*

So I have learned a new trick:

Before watching something that is recommended to me,

I google it.

I find the plot spoilers. 

I read them. 

I am often troubled by what I read but at least

it stops me from watching them.

*

The Walton's, I can watch.

The BBC Austen movies, yes.

Austen has a wholeness to her, a goodness.

Out of Africa I watched but not without some struggle.

Beautiful.  Deeply Sad.

But also a clear example of how woman's choices can 

destroy their lives.

I don't know that I want to watch many things like that movie even. 

*

I don't expect many to understand this but it's how it is for me

and there is no getting around it.

*

Much better for me to be reading Elizabeth Goudge and such things...

and Jane Austen, CS Lewis....

*

Well, that was Lent Day 32!